The Early Bird Gets The Worm

Was thinking on what that really means; The early bird gets the worm. I think it means a lot of things and all of them are pretty relevant to me at the moment. It means of course acting fast so as not to miss an opportunity. It means getting it done now, rather than later, to reach your goal. Thirdly for me it means without effort, you will be left hungry. Hungry for the first two.

I think about all the opportunities I have missed in the past few years that are directly related to being a late bird in terms of  my health. Passing up chances to have a healthier lifestyle I have passed up on some great opportunities for not only myself but my family. Being obese means a great deal of things that go beyond thunder thighs and flapping fupas. It means anxiety. It means opting out. It means saying no while inside I am screaming yes.

Being fat leads to my procrastination. I put off activities that I know are going to be uncomfortable, whether that means spiritually, mentally or physically. I stall on house work that will hurt such as scrubbing floors on my hands and knees. All that weight square on my patellas is a frighteningly painful thought. I have turned down many business opportunities with photography because of the same fear not to mention the social anxiety in working professionally in an industry all about capturing beauty.

I effect not just myself when I wait until the last minute to get ready to go any where because mentally I have so much anxiety about getting out there, in the scary 'normal sized' world that I many times suffer panic attacks. What if when I get there the chairs are those flimsy folding kind? What if we have to sit in a booth? What if, what if, and so on and so on...

The worst one is that I am delaying my spiritual growth because of my girth. So sad, so true. I know God loves me where I am, I also know that when I don't honor the body He gave me it causes me shame. If there is no sin worse than any other, then an adulterer is the same as a glutton, and boy am I a glutton. If I know it He knows it. If it shames me it saddens Him. But, Im gettin' there...

Finally I am beginning to see the real connections between me and the bird. I can connect those dots more clearly and the line leads right to that illusive worm. All of the things I have ever wanted my life to be can be because all the tools I have ever needed have been already given to me if Id just wake up early and use them. I just have to trust my wings are strong enough to carry me where I need to go. I have to believe in my capability to fly. No matter how heavy I feel today I know I can rise above it all... and so can you :)