I have noticed this reoccurring theme. Every time I do something that I feel is for me I just freeze. I choke. I sit.... I cant explain it. Is it a fear of failure? I dont think so? Is it a fear of success? I just dont know! This isn't just with weight either, although I am noticing that most right now. Every pound I lose seems somehow to make me a nervous wreck... like Ill actually become human or something and ohhhh I dont know be expected to participate? Live? Be present in my life and wholly present in the lives of those around me. So I retreat, and my weight regains. I sit my fat arse right on the dock.
Uhhhhgggggg.... I have to snap back, I have to just do this thing! I can be whom ever I choose to be, so why do I choose to be the least of my possibilities? I did this before. I lost 127 lbs in 7 months for petes sake I can do this, I know it can be done because Ive done it; and yet.... here I sit. On the sidelines. On the couch. On the dock.
How can I get more accountable? How can I be more motivated? How can I put me on project status? I have a really close friend who is my mentor in life. She doesn't have a weight problem but her hubby and she are my best friends (my hubbys best friends too) our mentors, our spiritual teachers, our go to folk on everything I swear. Any how I was over at her place yesterday and we were in her gardens, she has fabulous gardens, and I was getting some of her plants to plant at my house. I have a brown thumb. I told her I was nervous but i had been "reading up" on it. She said "Put down the books. You can read about things all day long, your not really going to learn about anything unless you just do it."
'Bout sums it up... I spose life really is just one big Nike commercial... if I wanna get my fat butt of the dock I gotta just do it.
*Thats the hubby and a couple of the kidlets... yup just sittin on the dock, again!
ReplyDeleteI think we all at different times in our lives feel this way ... the feeling of being stagnant and stuck and afraid.
ReplyDeleteYour friend offered some great advice.
Love the photo, HoneyB! Love the location ... how peaceful.
It is peaceful... we live on 7 acres surrounded by state forests in the north woods of MN on a lake. I cant imagine being anywhere else :)
ReplyDeleteIts odd... I know I love being who I am as far as a homemaker and a wife and mother but man, some days I really need a kick in the booty to accomplish anything more than that... which includes taking care of my self :(
I agree...I have the same struggles. I'll be rock solid for days, then a slip up, then another. Just came off of two days, where I ate more than usual and exercised less than usual. I fear that I will pay for it dearly.
ReplyDeleteCool pic. I want to be involved but my weight holds me back. It's so comfortable on the sidelines watching the game but my real desire is to be on the field.
ReplyDeleteThat's a gorgeous pictures!
ReplyDeleteAs for your problem, I feel like it's a common one among weight "losers" but especially woman and I'm not sure why either. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that we're people pleasers. We tend to want to do everything for others but we often forget about ourselves. But it looks like you realized it and now the only direction you can go is forward.
I'll hold you accountable if that means anything.