Tuesday Weigh In.... Big Smiles for Ms. Mii

So I was pleased today at weigh in :) 6.8 lbs down since last week! I have not been able to exercise all week and actually today was my first day back at it. This morning I did an hour of step aerobics and some of my Biggest Loser Wii work out. I know now that I'm able to be back on my feet I can kick some booty outta this blubber in the coming few weeks. I guess Ill just have to have faith that even on that week where I cant exercise if I eat right (for the most part, I swear it was only a wee lil of my homemade ice cream :P) the weight will come off anyhow.

This week my fitness goals are going to be working on Twons Challenge, and sticking strictly to my diet. I dont count calories as much as I suppose I should, but I do pay very close attention to portion size and what a correct portion of my healthy foods is. I know what the calories are of each food so I can have sort of a  rough guesstimate of what each meal is but I am trying to stay away from obsessing about my calories. My theory on this is that eventually I wont be on a weight loss diet. I will be just living. I want to instinctively know when and how much to eat and so far its working for me. I can feel that my stomach is now smaller (on the inside I mean in its capacity to hold a lot) and instead of pushing that to the over full uff-da feeling I stop.

Happy happy girl today :)

*side note it was so cute! So i went to take my shower after I did my workout and my Wii board was still on the floor. Lil Lilly-the 11 month old- decided to work out and when I came back down (her older brother was watching her while I cleaned up) she was on the Wii board with the controller in her hand trying to get the Wii Fit to go. She was soooooo cute! I guess what it is our lil ones see us do, really is what they are going to end up doing for the most part even in terms of fitness.*

What habits for the good have rubbed off on your friends or family since you've started your quest to become a fitter you?

The Early Bird Gets The Worm

Was thinking on what that really means; The early bird gets the worm. I think it means a lot of things and all of them are pretty relevant to me at the moment. It means of course acting fast so as not to miss an opportunity. It means getting it done now, rather than later, to reach your goal. Thirdly for me it means without effort, you will be left hungry. Hungry for the first two.

I think about all the opportunities I have missed in the past few years that are directly related to being a late bird in terms of  my health. Passing up chances to have a healthier lifestyle I have passed up on some great opportunities for not only myself but my family. Being obese means a great deal of things that go beyond thunder thighs and flapping fupas. It means anxiety. It means opting out. It means saying no while inside I am screaming yes.

Being fat leads to my procrastination. I put off activities that I know are going to be uncomfortable, whether that means spiritually, mentally or physically. I stall on house work that will hurt such as scrubbing floors on my hands and knees. All that weight square on my patellas is a frighteningly painful thought. I have turned down many business opportunities with photography because of the same fear not to mention the social anxiety in working professionally in an industry all about capturing beauty.

I effect not just myself when I wait until the last minute to get ready to go any where because mentally I have so much anxiety about getting out there, in the scary 'normal sized' world that I many times suffer panic attacks. What if when I get there the chairs are those flimsy folding kind? What if we have to sit in a booth? What if, what if, and so on and so on...

The worst one is that I am delaying my spiritual growth because of my girth. So sad, so true. I know God loves me where I am, I also know that when I don't honor the body He gave me it causes me shame. If there is no sin worse than any other, then an adulterer is the same as a glutton, and boy am I a glutton. If I know it He knows it. If it shames me it saddens Him. But, Im gettin' there...

Finally I am beginning to see the real connections between me and the bird. I can connect those dots more clearly and the line leads right to that illusive worm. All of the things I have ever wanted my life to be can be because all the tools I have ever needed have been already given to me if Id just wake up early and use them. I just have to trust my wings are strong enough to carry me where I need to go. I have to believe in my capability to fly. No matter how heavy I feel today I know I can rise above it all... and so can you :)

Ended on a Promising Note...

Last night we were out grilling in the rain, jumbo franks for hubby and the kids and a turkey burger for me, and in the breaking clouds we were blessed with this rainbow.

I'm and impatient person. This whole lifestyle change is in its fragile infancy for me, being only 30 days old. My logical brain knows my progress is on track. I am losing steadily and my exercise program is despite its bumps and jags and moans and groans coming along as I strive to move my body farther and faster. Yet it bares repeating again, I am an impatient person.

I step on the scale far too much and am disappointed if after I eat there is even the slightest fluctuation. I look at my rolls of flub in a self loathing I cant seem to shake, or at least replace with a gentler, softer acceptance of myself. I irrationally think after 30 days of being "good" all of this I have done to myself should just "go away" and I am discouraged when it hasn't. I am a work in progress. Overhauling the outside seems to me at least easier than changing the inside but I recognize that the two are not exclusive.

I often listen to a Sister Hazel song when I'm feeling blue or need a boost. The song is Change Your Mind and the words go somethin' like this... If you wanna be somebody else, if your tired of fighting battles with yourself, if you wanna be somebody else; Change your Mind... If I don't put as much effort in correcting habits, patterns and thoughts that lead me to this point it doesn't matter how successful I am at losing the physical weight. I will, without correction or exception, walk again down the same path to obesity.

The last day of April ended at our house with a promise. A promise to myself that I know Ill keep. Its a promise to be kinder, a resolve to be the best me I can and a vow to have patience with the process.

How have you worked at Changing Your Mind?

Blood, Sweat and Tears....

Ok first with the blood, ewwww... my feet were hurting really bad when I put on my lil shoes to go for my walk today, but I did it any way. About a 1/2 mile into my walk I began to bleed but youd be proud I didnt miss a beat and I kept right on truckin', all of my steps aerobic :) Yeah!!!!

I know what your thinking "How dumb is she to wear such impractical shoes to work out?" Im not dumb, no really I swear Im not... I just dont have anything else other than heels. And by heels I dont even mean normal heels, mine are all 3 and a 1/4 or higher. This brings me to this pair, and my conundrum. I have no idea what kind of shoes to buy. Dear God did that sentence actually leave my lips? I have never been at a loss for shoes, but folks, I am now!

So I am begging for help from you seasoned work out people. I am seeking your shoe guidance so my poor feet aren't bleeding every time I go walking. I want something supportive, something cute? and something that isn't a car payment. Any ideas?

 Here are my aerobic steps for today on my walk ... yes, I work up a stinking sweat out there being this fat! *You may have noticed in my foot picture, I am prolly the only woman in America that wears fabulous dresses while working out... :))))))) Another oddity about me, I dont own pants, I will never own pants... didn't when I was thin and certainly not when Im fat. This should get interesting when I start my running program... :)

And here were the tears... I went further than I did yesterday! I walked right on past my turn point, foot bleeding and all, and did a smidgen more. When I came back to my driveway and looked up at the huge hill my house sits atop I felt like Rocky pushing hard to get up the last little bit. When I was at the top I felt great... like I had achieved, I dunno, but I achieved.

Tuesday Weigh In :)

So today is weigh in day and despite my bloating and PMS problems this week I am down 2.2 lbs!!!!!! Yeah! That brings the grand total to 24.6 lbs lost :) I am 6 tenths away from my first goal of 25 lbs :) As you can see from my Wii graph, yesterday I was down .2lbs more than I am today and I was good as gold on my diet and exercise yesterday. I dunno, maybe like I said, water or something ... 

So excited.... the numbers are still huge, but they are getting smaller every day!

It's Not So Bad...

So confession time; 3 sugar cookies, 1/2 bowl of chocolate pudding (made with real heavy whipping cream) and some homemade Heath candy bar ice cream. Yes, I snapped out of my PMS induced delirium this morning. Ohhhh not because I wanted to but because I had to. Tuesday is coming and that's weigh in day for me. I WAS NOT going to have a gain on that scale!

I thought about it and thought about it finally coming in the end to this single conclusion. Satisfying my 'craving' just isn't worth how I would feel about myself if I saw an actual gain on the scale. This morning I got up, got dressed, went outside and began to walk. I walked past my usual turn around spot and when I had returned home I found that I had done it in TWO less minutes! I still am on a high! It felt way better than the chocolate pudding. It was a much sweeter reward than the sugar cookies. Much cooler than the homemade Heath ice cream.

So now I'm gonna go rock my Belly dance video. I'm not scared of weigh in tomorrow, I am doing my best today :)