I'm not a huge Susan fan. To be totally honest her personality and mine wouldn't mesh well in the real world but gosh darn it for all of her crassness, the woman speaks the truth. Right now in my current obese condition that's all I really care about. Does she speak the truth???.... Answer; she does.
I knew that this time I couldn't starve myself like before. I knew this time I was really feeling desperate and to be honest despondent for the most part with only brief bursts of hope. I seemed to be able to really put effort into diet and such for about 3 days and then I would crash. I thought my crashing was "lack of support" but now I see it for what it really was, or rather is. My crashing isn't some imaginary force that I'm lacking outside of myself. It really isn't self esteem or the lack of it. It isn't the fact that I love to cook and delight in eating it... tons of it. Susan's words helped connect those dots. And a whole lotta dots there were. It simply my lifestyle.
My choices. Even my choices when I'm trying to the right thing. That simple revelation perhaps had it come at any other time I may have come up with a whole list of "but I..." or "but if..." just plain not accepting my role, my control in my choices. My behavior. My lifestyle. I got so hung up in the mental part of it all that I really wasn't seeing the obvious. The obvious is; bad things happen to good people. The reality is; NO ONE has a perfect childhood. The truth is; get the hell over my head and do whats right for my body. The brain will follow. Self esteem will grow when I can take back control of me. I have to respect the body Ive been given, understand how it works at its basic animal level and treat it like it needs to be treated.
So what am I doing that's so earth shatteringly different? I'm eating and not feeling crappy. There's a shock :))) I'm eating real food and although I'm a great cook lets face it the crap I choose to create in the kitchen is what I got so obese on! I am embracing Susan's thinking on this one, after all it made so much sense to me. Real food for my real body. What exactly did that mean to me? It meant like she said... if it didn't grow on a tree or come from Mother Earth in its natural state, don't put it in my mouth. Its not real. Its not real food or good fuel for my real body.
I went to do some big shopping. We do this once a month since we live 45 minutes from literally anything. If we don't have something we cant just run down the street, or for that matter even a few miles and get it. Were stuck and have to wait till our next "in town" opportunity. Anyhow while out on the trip this time I did something simply shocking. I took time for me. It took 4 hours in the store. I never thought I was going to get out of there and not because I hated it or was over whelmed but because I was shocked at how much real food can be found. Instead of going like a robot and getting my usual suspects I did a novel thing; I actually read the labels of of things I was going to put into my body. Hubby was very patient and kind during this as he waited looking at me strangely in the isles when I oohed and awed over things like 100% nectar for my green tea instead of processed white sugar.
You know the funny part? I have been eating this way, totally natural, for 3 days now and not only did I lose 4 more pounds, I feel FANTASTIC! I am not hungry because I feed my "animal" every 2 to 3 hours. I am not cranky because I am not deprived. I am not tired because I am not starving to death. I am feeling something I haven't felt for a long time; contentment with where I'm going. Excited to be on the actual journey not just anxiously awaiting the end.
There are so many things that cannot be covered here. So many parts of what a lifestyle change 'Susans' way entails that I cant really cover it in one lil post. I can tell you the 4 elements...
Eat
Breathe
Move and
Think....
Cant wait to share more, learn more, be more as I uncover all of Mii.
Great job so far!
ReplyDeleteWanted to come over and respond to your comment you left on my blog about the health stats for different races. I do believe race has something to with it because right now the "standard" and "average" for all these things (BMI, weight, body fat %) are based on studies done on the average American. That's why I mentioned that because I'm not your average-American, I feel like there's data out there that can more closely talk to me.
Anyway, just my $0.02.
Btw glad I found your blog cause I'm excited to see how your Wii journey plays out. I have one that's been mostly collecting dust so maybe it's time I brought it back out! Thanks for the inspiration. =0)
Great post! My mind plays trick on me too. I eat great for a week or two then I screw up and instead of stopping the bad eating there, I fall back into my old eating habits and ruin the past few weeks of work.
ReplyDeleteEating good and often has been working great for me and it will work great for you. I'll be following you and seeing how you are doing.
I love to cook as well. I am big into smoking meat and most the meats that one would smoke are fatty and high in calories. I am looking for alternatives so that I can still do what I enjoy but eat better in the process.
Al