There it is. The ugly numbers I run from... three lil digits that add up to one big cringe. I just started this quest yesterday on March 30, 2010. This is my year, yup.... the year of Ms. Mii.So here I am AGAIN, trying to lose weight for like the billionth time in my adult life and I find myself feeling, well, kinda sorta lonely. Now those that know me in my real life might be thinking "How the heck can she ever feel "alone" with 7 kids and a hubby buzzing all around?" All that may be true and the house my be a whirlwind of activity with nary a second of honest privacy yet lemme tell ya; I'm the only fatty in these parts and none of them seem to really understand (I suppose they couldn't ever really) what a struggle it can truly be.
For the most part they think its not an issue. I am simply mom or I am the constant wife... but what about the woman? I am going to try to bring her to the forefront again. Going on a quest to find her. I think Ive just taken a back seat to meal time prep and hubbys dirty socks, all things that need doing for sure in a house hold of nine... but not to the exclusion of all else. I can be a better wife if I am a healthier wife.
So, I'm going on a quest of sorts. A hunt for the woman I long to be. I have let myself go in so, so many ways and I think by starting to peel off some layers.... one pound at a time. One challenge at a time, I might just reveal the girl I used to be. I remember her a lil bit, though through rose colored glasses I am sure.
When I met my husband I loved to dress in dresses or skirts everyday, and although I was a housewife it made me feel really good to feel pretty when he walked through the door. Now I live in a pony tail and pajamas. As I had more children I just seemed to gain more and more weight along with responsibility and with seven kids some things just are more important than others. Laundry to the tune of 4 regular loads a day plus one of diapers seemed to take up a good portion. Cooking like an army chef occupied my time as well. And ohhhhh the food. I love to cook it, I love to eat it, I love to delight my hubby and children with goodies and meals they love.
I have come to a point in my life, in part spurred on by my oldest son turning 18 *gasp!!!* yesterday, that I am no longer in baby making mode. Our youngest is almost 10 months, I stopped nursing her a week ago now and she is our last wee one. Is this a mothers midlife crisis? I have been preggers and or breastfeeding the majority of my adult life and have used it as a great excuse to eat ... A LOT!
Now with one "leaving the nest" and one "leaving the breast" I find my self kinda lost. Wondering where I went and how can I find me? It isn't I don't think in the reflection of my sink, and I wont find myself in the bubbles of my laundry soap. I'm gonna find myself I suppose by getting to know 'me'. I think I forgot, and I think some things have changed since I last really took a look.
So I decided to start with fitness. Well mind, body and spirit, right? I am a really big girl at this point so I have to go slower tahn I would like but I decided to use my Wii as a jumping off point. I'm going to be chronicling my adventures or miss adventures in weight loss and self discovery for "the world" to see. Being accountable hasn't really been my strong suit in the whole weight thing and support.... ohhh do I need support!
So I hope that some of you join along on my lil quest... I hope to make new friends and get to know new people. Who knows, I just might be reintroduced to Mii along the way ;)
