Conflicted To Contented Homemaker

Just received my copy of The Art Of Homemaking by Daryl V. Hoole and love it is an understatement. This book is an oldie but goodie in my opinion. It is a reprint of the book first printed in 1967 and again in 1973.

Its no secret that although I am smack dab here in the 2000's I really have the heart of a generation past. A time when roles were more clearly defined and simplicity was the rule. I know, I know it just isn't politically correct for me to say it out loud that Id rather be in the kitchen, cuz I really honestly do think its my place. *can almost feel my white collar liberal mother cringe as I type, I love you mommy :)*

What does this have to do with diet and fitness you might ask? Well, as stated in the first chapter, a whole lot! ..."An ideal homemaker is lovely to look at and lovely to be around-she has a wholesome attitude and a pleasing appearance. She has the courage to be happy and strives to live above the grievous faults of moodiness, sulkiness, and complaining. She is gracious and thoughtful..."

Doyle also goes on to say that attitude is a major player in how we view our jobs as housewives, and I would assume those jobs outside of the home as well. She said this, "Attitude begins with Gratitude." Look for what you are thankful for and your attitude about things will begin to change. Example? Pile of dirty dishes.... one thought is "Ohhh man not again! Why do I always have to do the dishes?"  or Gratitude? "We are blessed to have enough food to have a meal, when we know it to be true so many others have none."

Keeping myself "up" physically and emotionally as my mates spouse should be a priority to me. My hubby works so very hard, 2 jobs in fact, to make sure I have enough dishes, enough food, even just a house to clean at all. An attitude of gratitude about my workouts might just change the way I veiw them. I am healthy enough at all to use my body is one thing I am thankful for. One thing I shouldnt take for granted. When Im pouting over some lil food craving I can be more thankful that I have been given the healthy choices I have as I know so many people in our country cannot afford fresh fruits and vegetables.

I have been following this blog of another homemaker, Dirty Little Secrets, and watching her transform her house into a home. She uses this book as her jumping off point and daily reference guide. Like me she has a large number of people who depend on her and a hubby as a helpmate. To a lot of people I would suppose it seems silly or out dated. I was raised being told I should "want more" and "you can be anything" although Ill be honest I never really understood what that meant. How could there be anything more than wonderful than caring for those whom you love?

I think its time for me to stop going through the motions in life. This really means making the move from housekeeper to homemaker, and there is a huge difference between the two believe me. It also means moving from just being in my body to really living within my self. It means changing my attitude and it means finding more gratitude so that I can truly honor who it is I was really meant to be. Fitness isn't just physical, its the endurance also to take on life in all its varied aspects after all its the most important marathon we'll ever run.

Things That Make You Go Hummmmm.....

That's the hubby and I. I often wonder what hes thinking. Really thinking. When we met I wasn't a big girl. Big girls aren't his cup of tea, not that he says it, but from his track record before me. His "type" as it were. They have been, best I can figure, small *I am 5 ft 9 in*, skinny *I am sooo not*, soft spoken *I am usually the loudest one around*, mild tempered *my kids call me 'mama bear' and not just cuz I'm as large as one* and blond *I'm dark, part Lakota Sioux* and generally they just were not anything like me.

Like any good hubby if I ask him about my weight or if he likes this or that he says nothing negative. He is the first to say great job, he is the one I can count on when I'm in need of a hug, but I wonder. I would suppose I'm not unlike many women who gain weight after saying "I do". Does he still find me attractive? Does he inwardly think I'm kinda gross, just like I outwardly think I'm kinda gross? When he makes love to me does he notice all of my rolls? When he says he has dreamed of me in the night, am I fat or thin in his dreams?

He is my inspiration, my love, my joy, my heart, oddly my biggest insecurity and the best part of me. Do I really want to know what hes really thinking? Probably not. Ignorance is bliss in my chubby world right now. I'm looking ahead to the day when I feel secure enough in my own skin to take at face value the good and loving things he says and does. Until then I'm so blessed to have a partner that never bats an eye when I tell him I'm going on yet another diet, never second guesses what I might need and doesn't voice his disappointment when I fail.

Today I am tired. The baby was up most of the night and morning came too soon. Today my back is killing me from my two days of an hour of step aerobics. Today I would gladly waste away my day knitting in my comfy chair, and he would encourage me to do so... anything to make me happy. But today I'm going to think of him. Today I am going to focus on us in the future. A wife that will play with him in the yard. A wife that will climb the fire tower with him to take pictures of fall leaves. A wife that will make love to him under the stars unashamed instead of loathing my self image, afraid he might catch a glimpse of this or that. I'm going to do those damn aerobics for the future me of tomorrow, today.