So I Just Gotta Know... Is This a Girl Thing???

What the holy heck is all I can keep sayin.... Is this a girl thing or do guys do this too? The 'thing' I'm talkin about is this overly bitchy back stabby weird jealous thing that women get. Well a lot of women get and for the LIFE of me I cannot figure out why the biggest 'tearer' down of a woman is often OTHER WOMEN!!!!!.

I'm huge, but I'm stickin to it... I'm a whale of a woman but Ive got a lil less blubber than a month ago. I'm trying desperately to change my life, my whole being and its not easy. Its hard. It sucks and at times I want to give up. At times I don't really think I'm gonna make it. Point? When I started this journey I didnt have a blog. When I started this weight loss battle I needed the shoulders of my friends, I still do. But I got none :( So I started to write. And it made it better when I began to read all of you fellow weight loss fighters words out there in Bloggerland and beyond. I found a shoulder here in cyber space. Encouragement in all your posts about how you all were fighting this same fight. I'm so very happy for each success and my heart hurts when I read of your struggles. Ive been there, I can relate and its not a great spot to be in.

I don't understand what happens to us women. If a woman has success in her battle, especially a physical one, whether weight, money or relationship, it seems women can get very snipe-ish. I haven't pushed any of my friends in my direction. They at times have said they wanted to do it too and then treated me like the food police. People I dont care what you eat... I cant control my own mouth how am I going to control yours? Phone calls became few to none. Support, non existent. What the Heck????

Another female friend of mine had the gastric. Im so proud of her, shes lost over 60 lbs. She is battling the same thing. Female friends that don't speak to her any more. Friends not calling. Her best friend for over 20 years is avoiding her. No its not because she thinks she looks hot and is flaunting it... shes lost 60 lbs and still wont wear anything but huge mens sweatshirts because she still thinks she looks huge. Shes not flaunting it at all... shes just smaller. And so as she has changed so have they.

This is really sad. One of the worst traits about being a woman. We do it all the time. I cant tell you how many posts I read on my hubbys Face Book after the Academy Awards on how Sarah J Parker looks like crap and this one or that one looks fat. Really? really? I bet most of them were sitting in their sweat pants eating cheezy poofs while analyzing J Los ass. But Im ranting. I know it. Ill stop it... still fuming, but calmer.

Thanks for letting me blab it all out here. Thanks for being my cyber shoulder. thanks for not leaving me alone with my fears and my doubts and my huge fat arse! I just GOTTA know guys (and gals) out there.... is this just a chick thing? Do guys get all bent and jealous over dumb stupid crap too? Cuz I gotta tell ya, I did not see one post on hubbys FBook about Brad Pitts ass in his jeans coming from some guy, and I doubt I ever will.

Have any of you experienced strange friendship/relationship problems since getting healthier? How did you handle it?

Ooey, Gooey and Yummy... Oh My!

I have a problem. I love to cook. No, I really love to cook. LOVE TO COOK. Everything is from scratch and homemade, partly because I have seven kids and economics demands feeding the masses be done without braking the budget. I bake everyday, make huge meals everyday and that isn't really a problem except the fact I love to eat it as much as I enjoy making it.

Now I just thought you should know that I have done this whole thing before. I lost 127 lbs in seven months and all while I was starting my own baking business. It can be done, this dance with food wherein you go out and have a great time with the coconut cream, you just have to learn how to kiss it goodbye at the end of the evening instead of taking it back to your place for a one night stand. One we all know we'll regret in the morning light.

I had that type of love affair with food before and it was a successful pairing. I danced and whipped and frosted but didn't dare to taste and lick or frolic with the enemy. I just cant seem to get that same mind set. I just cant seem to find that strength. I swear some days I seem like I got this and others I am consumed with consuming.

I have been searching everywhere for answers. Is it that I'm stressed? Not really. Am I bored? Not particularly. I do know that when I dumped the extra pounds before I was soooooo focused. I lost that focus when I became pregnant with my fifth child. The pounds started to slowly creep back up. After she was born I felt a little in control but then became pregnant with my sixth child three months after my fifth was born. Then the weight really piled back on.

After he was born I became pregnant two more times and we lost those pregnancies, something so painful to both of us I don't really think either of us dealt with it well. He worked himself to death and I successfully gained back the pounds I had managed to stave off through the previous children. Then baby number seven and bed rest for 10 months :( My only saving grace during that time was I was so sick with her through out the entire pregnancy I actually lost 17 lbs.

Now here we are, done having babies for sure and my little one is 10 months old. I'm just as fat as when I gave birth to her. No more baby excuses to lean on Im searching for that strength I once had to move my mountain of fat. It really does take strength that moves mountains. Inner strength and perhaps that's what I'm lacking. Where to find it, where to find it?

My whole family is thin. They eat all that I do and not a one of them has gotten a real weight problem. Oh my hubby put on a few pounds after a job change where he isn't as physical but nothing I would even notice if I wasn't the one sleeping next to him. Other than that my circle is a thin one save for one or two friends.

Ive asked for support. Ive asked for the shoulders I think I need this time to really no real avail. Yet I know this is one of those solitary journeys. Each must find their own path and walk it. Sometimes though it would be nice just to have some one trudging along beside me. Even Dorothy had the Lion, the Tinman and the Scarecrow to skip along with on her path to Emerald City. But I wont let it get me down, I'm gonna get there. I just have to learn how to be my own best friend, or at the very least be compassionate enough with myself to hold my own hand on my path to 'Onederland'.