I dunno what to say... its a weigh in ;)

Sorry I havent been around lately, but it doesnt mean I have given up the fight. I have been feeling a wee bit under the weather, but did my "first of the month" weigh in. Here it is ;) for those of you that care to watch. I still havent figured out the greeatest "diet" but I have figured me out ... at least I think. So far since June 1st Ive lost 24 lbs and I feel ok about taht. This is my PMS week so when I get my period a ton will come off. I guess I am really tired, really sleepy and dont have much to add really. :))))))

I think I stopped writing so much simply because I dont have anything on the diet front to write about. Am I losing weight? Yup... how? Eating less of any ole thing I want, and moving more always... but nothing intentional. It doesnt make for very exciting reading, but hell, it honestly does work ...

A ton has been going on on the photography front and I have had several clients and photo shoots. Life is moving along, and Im just moving along with it.

Hope every one is well :)

Its in there somewhere....

Yeah, thats a chart ... I made it a few days ago and havent gotten around to posting it here. Since then I have gone down another 1.5 lbs... I used the LiveStrong site to track my weight, and my calories. No not so I could go on a calorie restricted diet, no not so I could go on any diet actually, but just to see if what I thought was indeed true... and guess what, it is, or was at least for this past month. Im going to continue to track and see about this next cycle... cuz guess what, Im onto something here, and I have the sneaking suspicion it might just be the key to the whole darn kit-n-kaboodle for me.

I have thought my weight loss was closely linked to my hormones for a while now, in fact all spring since Ive been doing this. I have charted just this last month, and I was right. I have never gained weight without being in a hormonal state... pregnant. I have seven kids and have been pregnant 9 times losing two babies. I gain huge amounts of weight when I am pregnant, lose some after birth and then stall. I never gain more I just stall. Then when my normal cycle kicks in (if I get one since I tend to get preggers back to back) the hormone cyle starts all over again. If I get preggers I gain if I do not get preggers I lose like crazy with little to no effort for the first couple of weeks and then I ovulate and about 2-4 days later all holy hell breaks loose. I usually gain all of the weight I lost back, but not more.... until this time ;)

I noticed something about my eating. Ill call my period the first day of my cycle... on the first day of my cycle my eating shifts... I am hardly hungry, dont like food and what food I do choose to eat is actually healthy, low in fat and calories. I couldnt eat a big meal to save my life and sweets are not appetizing to me. I also am hyper, have a better mood, more social and fun. Then a couple of weeks in I ovulate and about 2-4 days after ovulation I can dramatically feel my mood and body change. I am crabby, I am so very tired I want to eat everything in sight and then some, I want fatty foods and in general anything I can consume. I gain all the weight back that I lost within the two weeks it takes to be back at the beginning of my cycle where it all starts all over again. Until this month.....

So I decided to fight it this month. It was miserable but I did it. I ate what I wanted to, just less of it. I still had all the things I wanted like ice cream and pasta and Mexican but I ate far less of it and walked away. So what did this do? I was able to hold my own for those two weeks. I fluctuated with a 2-4 lb gain but I held my own and low and behold it worked! As you can see from the chart I held steady and DIDNT gain the weight back like always! I lost 14.5 lbs last month which is good if you ask me. I am doing an official weigh in tomorrow but as of today I am down 17 lbs total and still losing. I was 269 on Sun/Mon and as of this morning I was 264.

There was no "exercise" other than moving more which is part of my plan but nothing structured with the exception of two walks early last month. I have been just moving more at all I do, during the time I am feeling like it, and eating less of what ever I want during the time I dont feel like moving if that makes any sense ))))

Im stickin with it... it seems to be workin ;)

Busy, busy and a weigh in ....

I havent been on here much lately. There are a ton of reasons ... hubby got Lymes, now the baby has Lymes and I have been focusing on my photography. Some really great things are happening there as well.

I went to the doc, they are going to do some ultra sounds if my nether regions to see whats going on female wise. My weight has been fluctuating as much as 4 lbs up and down from my last weigh in, I recorded a video here.... I am days if not sooner than that away from my period and the fact that I didnt gain all of this weight back is something short of an F'in miracle!!!!! I hit it hard again today... and by hard I dont mean any more crazy measures, I just mean eating less of what ever the heck I want and going to be moving more. Im DONE with diets and in a couple of my videos I explain why. THEY DONT WORK!!!!! ohhhhh all diets will work if you work them, Im not saying that, Im just sayin unless you learn how to eat less naturally, it can never be maintained because, no one can stay on a diet for ever.... or at least not fat ppl or they wouldnt be fat in the first place cuz they would naturally be eating less.

I feel purdy passionate about his whole thing. I do, and calorie counting and restriction in a formal sense its all crap. Its a tool Ill give you that, but if you dont figure out that sick freakin relationship with food you got going to make you fat to begin with.... your just buyin time. NORMAL ppl dont count calories, or fast, or drink shakes, or starve themselves. Normal ppl eat less and move more than us fattys its just a fact. I hope you guys watch the other videos I put up on why i think this.... I know its working for me... I lost weight and didnt gain it back over these really tough 2 weeks ... that is astounding!

Wishing all of you out there a great extended weekend ... Im gonna go, I have a TON of blog reading to catch up on :)

Frame of Mind....

I got this new book ... yeah a new diet book, no laughing :P Great read I must say. If you like the scientific explanations of things in an easy to understand type lingo this is for you. Jackie Warner This is why your fat (and how to get thin forever) is a really good book. Of course I dug the diet stuff but the stuff i found really interesting was the metaphysical stuff. Like what you think about yourself is what you become.... I honestly think its true... no laughing again here :P

Since I have reevaluated my thinking and what I did last time to achieve success I keep losing weight. I honestly havent really been dieting. But I did and continue to, write down (journaling) how I am succeeding, what my success looks like and that I am simply going to lose the weight. Its not a question.... its not a hope, its a reality. Its just simply the time. I have things to do and really have no purpose for this fat any more. Im quite simply letting go.

She talks about this a bit in her book. The principal of the basket ball player who envisions making the free throw over and over before he ever touches the ball and low and behold he is more successful than if he had simply just taken the shot. We think and there for we are.... or become. But you have to be ready. I really liked this book over all.

I tried to remember where my successes came from last time when i lost all that weight. I remember I felt like I was just simply "done". I thought i was done having kids; on that I was wrong obviously :))) But I distinctly remember the feeling of being "done" with being fat. Not a frustrated feeling. Not a desperate "I want to be thin" feeling but more of a feeling that it had served his purpose and wasnt useful to me any more therefor I needed to put it down instead carrying it forward with me. And I did. In seven months without falter I let go of 127 lbs. And then I got preggers :)))))) and picked it alllll back up again :)))))

I have that same feeling now. The lbs are dropping off, I honestly have only gone out on my walk 2 times since getting my shoes. I do move around more, part of the move more plan, but its not contrived or organized. I dont orchestrate my movements as in a "walk" or "workout". I know, I know not good and prolly inefficient but again.... its working. Ive simply been doing more actual living. I have been painting, something I have put off for a year now. I have been outside gardening or simply just outside goofin with the kidlets.

I have weigh in again on Saturday for the contest. I am not panicked which is weird. I feel like Im gonna sweep this thing simply because Im not on a diet.... now how ass backwards is that???? I am making some better food choices but still eating what I want... just less of it. I have tuned into my tummy, not the calories and when I feel the food actually touch it, which is different than feeling full, I stop. I simply stop and give what ever I am eating to the nearest person to me to finish. I have found that when the food can be actually "felt" not full (just the slightest feeling that was hard for me to grasp at first.) that if I stop when I feel the food, that i will feel satisfied some minutes later when i walk away.

Normal thin people do not eat a set counted out amount of calories. They do not weigh their food or measure it in cups.... they eat until they are satisfied. They eat when they are hungry and you know what, they stop BEFORE they are full. Full isnt satisfied. Theres a difference and I had to learn what it was.

This is just what I have observed in my small circle of normal weight people. By no means am I saying every single person is like this. I really think this weight thing is a mind trip of the most physical kind. A journey unique to the individual.

Anywhoooo....
Its dinner time in these parts and hubby is grilling rib eye.... I could have turkey but Im havin steak. Im gonna savor it, I may only get three bites before I feel it in my tummy and have to pass my plate :))))

The Butt Crack Of Dawn

I have literally been up since before the sun peeked over the horizon. I decided to get a jump on painting the living room before the kidlets woke up. I am on my third coat. Primer people.... dont ever try and kid yourself into thinking you dont need it, Im frustrated living proof of that. grrrrrrr.... upside? What a terrific arm work out Im getting!

So, Im thinking of going on a water fast. I dunno, clean out the ole system kinda thing. Have any of you ever tried one? For how long? Thoughts on water fasts? Maybe I have just been up too darn tootin long smelling paint fumes ....

Wishing you all a wonderful Monday :)

NSV... Back In The Bedroom

Cover your ears young ones, the adults are talkin'. Im talkin bout a NSV (non scale victory) of the best kind... the kind the hubby notices :)

The scale has been jumpin down darn tootin fast as of late. This morning it said 262 but never count your lost pounds so Ive learned until they have hatched into a perfectly recorded weigh in day. A whole lot can happen between now and then as all who have ever dieted know all to well. I still havent really noticed all that much my own self except that I fit better in my sons smallish pimp mobile for a car. Other than that, not really feelin it. But then again, if there were a 281 pile of bear crap in my yard would I notice if in the night someone stole 19 lbs of the ugly stuff? Prolly not so Im not too butt hurt that I dont, or that no one else really, has been noticing every lil pound fall off. Until today....

So hubby is my world. Anyone who knows me knows I am to die for gaga over that man. I love the smell of him, the sight of him, the taste of him, the sound of him and the feel of him along with a couple of extra senses Im sure he excites in me. It is also very special Sunday mornings. No matter what... come hell or high water we are together. It doesnt matter whats going on, what we have planned for the rest of the day or if weve been arguing the night before; Sunday morning is the sweetest day of the week in my house. We wake up before the kids, we touch base not as a man and wife, not as a mother and a father but as just a guy and a girl. We take time to... well we just take time which isnt easy at all since we have seven kids and he has two jobs.

He noticed this morning... right there, in the middle of me being self conscious all the while hes blissfully unaware of my inner turmoil about letting him see "this or that"... he noticed. My tummy is flatter ... as simple as that. Its flatter, he is closer... he noticed! I know, I know TMI moment but this is a big deal for me. Part, a huge, huge part of the reason why I am on this journey is for just this reason and to hear feel and see that its coming to fruition is a relief. Its an excitement. Its a feather in my cap to keep me flying while I whittle my way down through the numbers.

Thats all I got... it was a small thing, left me with a huge smile :) Wishing you all a wonderful Sunday ... hope you spend it with someone that you love *hugs*

One Of Those Moments

Have you ever had one of those moments when the stars just seemed aligned and all was right with your lil world? Ive been feelin that for a wee bit now. Like, well something is just "on my side" or maybe... for once... I am on my own side. Whichever it is Ill take it.

Weight loss is clicking along, the kids... bang on... hubby, sexy as ever and I get to have em all to my wee self; what could be better? Well you all know, well maybe not but anyhow, I assume you all know that I am a wanna-be photographer. It is my passion. Its me love. I literally get high taking photos, or at the very least what I assume high feels like :)))) The other day when I was all ranting and pissy I focused my anger and mind else where because bitching just wasnt cutting the mustard. (BTW now posted on my Fbook "When I lose this weight, watch out ladies..." WTF?!?) 

Anywhoooooo.... I got a few shots I loved and from that I finally came up with my name for my photography!!! I know, boring but for me this was huge... I have been noodling around with this for 3 years and nothing had hit me. With my photography I have never moved forward much more than a baby step here, a side step there until the other day. Nothing said, "You are here, and this is where youre going." so I didnt know which direction to take.

This revelation has really re focused so many things for me. The realization of my oldest leaving the nest... Lilly~Anne turning one... not having any more children, its all coming together, and not necessarily in a bad way either. This is the FIRST time in my adult life, since I was 17 years old and engaged, that I am simply me. I am not breastfeeding, or pregnant, or conceiving or worrying about becoming pregnant. I am a mother to be sure, but my body is my own. So foreign to me, you just dont know. And this new revelation brings with it new opportunities and new challenges and I am just feeling full to the brim with blessings. I am excited about where it might take me.

Without further adieu, although I am not going to use these as finals mind you... these were just quicky shots done on the fly, but they inspired my direction so greatly. I can now proudly announce:

Mary Jane 

Studios

I know my giddiness is prolly not wholly understood here, but if you have ever owned a business and struggled with image, and direction and "your place" you'll understand. It is the difference between picking a nice name for your baby, and picking the name. Honestly, the same feeling ...

So here we go. Hubby is on board and were gonna make this happen. I cannot even remotely express the excitement I feel. Just exactly how on target this is for me. I was always nervous and although I have a long way to go Im so ready for the challenge. After all the cosmos are on my side; or at the very least Im just severely blinded by the stars in my eyes :)))) At any rate Im ready... its that simple; Im ready.